Taoism: Shit happens | Hinduism: This shit happened before | Confucianism: Confucius say: Shit happens | Buddhism: It is only an illusion of shit happening | Zen: What is the sound of shit happening? | Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah | Jehovah's Witnesses: Knock, knock: 'Shit happens.' | Atheism: There is no such thing as shit | Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, and maybe it doesn't | Protestantism: If shit happenes, I deserve it | Catholicism: Shit won't happen if I work harder | Judaism: Why does shit always happen to me? | Televangelism: Send money or shit will happen to you | Rastafarian: Smoke that shit | Orthodoxism: Hoooooleeeeyyyyy